WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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