remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
