So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think my tv is drunk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize