Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
