If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
