My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
