it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
