i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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