theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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