Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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