i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
