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oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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