I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
