The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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