I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
