Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
