So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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