if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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