I heard we made out
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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