k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
