Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
