Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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