I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
