I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
