dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
