Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
