Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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