he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My ass is underappreciated
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
