I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize