oh god the rape fog is back!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
