she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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