Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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