i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
