Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
