I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
