do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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