i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
