There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
