i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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