yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
