Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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