He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
