Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
