You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
