I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
