I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
