does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
