There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
