yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
