Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
