You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
