Joe is yelling at the trees again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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