sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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