I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
