I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
