I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
