she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
