She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How's work?
Spinning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
