i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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