i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
