party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
