dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm too high and old for this...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
