All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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