Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You made out with two different species that night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
