You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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