if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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