omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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