I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
