True but thats because hes a fetus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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