You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Houston, we have a blender
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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