You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
