if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
