it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
