onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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