my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
