she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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