my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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