How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
