why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
