i just sent this text using only my big toe
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
