glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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