I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
