Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
