As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
