Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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