i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
