Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
