....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
