i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
